Mental Health, Psychology, spiritual growth

An Open Letter to My Readers

Okay, this is the moment. The moment when I either lose or gain (or both) a bunch of subscribers. The moment that I often considered writing about, and then changed my mind — all right, chickened out. But I feel, deep down, that this is too important. I need to confront it.

As many of you will know, I have a learning disorder, and have suffered from depression and anxiety issues. Sometimes it was related to the disorder itself, to the chaos the imbalance in brain chemicals causes. It’s been hard. No lie, no denial, no sugarcoating. Really damn hard. You have to learn coping skills, skills for life, skills for doing life with your condition.

Please tell me I’m not alone. I so often feel alone. That no one else understands, or cares.

When I post about the side effects ADD and autism have on our lives, I frequently try to find the lighter side, the humorous, in it. Not that I want to take away the seriousness, which I’m fully — painfully — aware of. Just that I’m hoping to find the positive in a whole lot of — intensely — negative.

Lately my personal complexes have become too overwhelming. It’s affecting my family and myself. I don’t want to feel this way. Most of the time in the past few months, I’m depressed, angry, even hopeless.

Doesn’t seem like the picture above, huh. Well, after feeling in despair for so long, I really, really want to be like this picture.

I want to be happy. To learn peace. To understand forgiveness. To know joy.

Not that any of this is your problem, concern, or heck, whoever’s reading this may not even care. But I truly hope you do. And some of you have told me that you do.

As I’ve become a blogger and reader of others’ blogs, I’ve found that many of us turn to each other — although we’ve never met in person — for solace, comfort, empathy, and hope. Yup, there’s that word again, hope. It’s a big deal.

So, as I prepare to hit publish, and await to see what the response is to this post, I’ll also say this:

Trusting people — even online — is not easy for me. Maybe that can change. Letting down my guard — and knowing some people will disappoint me — is daunting at best. But I also need to feel connected — in whatever way — to someone who I feel will, does, care.

The tone of this blog, overall, won’t really change. It’s just that sometimes I need to get more serious. I may need to vent, or seek comfort over a loss or heartache. Being forced to confront all of this feels similar to walking too close to a fire that you know you have to pass through to reach the other, safer, unburned side.

Personally, I believe that there is a divine God out there that can, wants to, and will help me. I know some of you may not agree, and that some of you do. My faith in a lot of things has been lacking recently, but I’m not ready to give up yet.

 

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23 thoughts on “An Open Letter to My Readers”

  1. I’d love it if you continued to write about how you’re feeling. Don’t feel alone! We’re all here to help each other, and I’d hate for you to struggle alone. If opening up and talking about it makes you feel relieved, keep on doing it πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you very much. Sometimes I feel that sharing “too much” is too hard/not appropriate/not wanted. But sometimes it seems just as hard to hold back. Having the encouragement means a lot.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hey there! As one of the most private people in existence, believe me, I know how scary opening up to people is. But this is your blog, and you should always feel free to share anything you want here. Of course, that’s not enough; you also should feel listened to. So I just wanted to drop down here into the comments and let you know that I care. I may not have much personal experience with ADD or Autism, but I’ve had struggles of my own, and I also have issues trusting people. And I know how much of a difference it makes to feel listened too—and listened to without judgement. Please feel free to express yourself, and know that there are people who will listen and who will care. (Also, I like your fire analogy.) Hang in there like the strong person you so obviously are, and please never hold back from expressing yourself in this blog. That’s what blogs are for. ❀

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow, thank you so much. And thank you doesn’t seem like enough. I really appreciate your encouragement and your kindness. This has been a tough thing for me, and opening up has felt like a double-edged sword. Getting some positive feedback has felt very valuable. Thanks again.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi, there….because you “liked” a comment I made on another blogger’s post, I wanted to stop by and “meet you”….I am so glad I followed my instincts…you are so incredibly brave to reach out when feeling so vulnerable…it speaks to our inherent drive to connect…to seek belonging and solace and acceptance….authenticity is the highest level of sharing, and it is a privilege to be able to play any small part in encouraging you to keep being all of who you are….so many people hide behind their pain and suffer alone…or, even more tragic,they inflict pain on others in order to try to feel better or deflect…you are facing it straight on…that makes you so admirable and amazing and real…thank you for sharing…you are not alone…God bless you…keep the faith πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your support. I’m not always so brave, or so responsible…sometimes I just take out my anger on my family, and while they do things to provoke my responses, the intensity level of what they receive isn’t necessarily earned. I feel guilty about that, then realize that I shouldn’t be hiding from it. Being open is hard, but helpful. Thanks again. Welcome to The Invisible Moth!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re not alone. The stigma against anything that seems ‘mental’ in our culture is worse than the illness. Most of the suffering is inflicted on us by cheap fixes, bad jokes and the arrogant assumption that is we were just a ‘little’ stronger we wouldn’t have these problems. You are not alone and now have a new subscriber.

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    1. Thank you so much. I was really surprised to see this in my reader. Thank you for being so open and honest about how you feel I connected with others, and thank you for your own support. Hope you enjoy it here.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I appreciate your support. When I made that post, I was really feeling lost and despondent, and like a bit of a fraud, to be honest… I’d just gotten a bunch of new subscribers within the past few weeks, and I felt they expected me to always produce the same sort of post(s) that made them want to subscribe. I didn’t feel capable of that at the time. I was really down. The need to be very honest kind of outweighed the fear. Receiving support by doing so has been very rewarding. Some of us feel very alone, and you’re right, we’re not.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You are so not alone. I once read that most bloggers have experienced some form of depression. That seems to ring true. It’s not something we all dwell on, our blogs, like our lives, are about so much more than our health issues. I’m hoping that you did not lose followers over your very courageous open letter. Most likely, the opposite. You may not hear from them, but they are reading. Best wishes to you. Stay strong. Came here from Robert’s reblog. πŸ’˜

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    1. Thank you very much. Yes, in fact, people have been responding very well to this post. In retrospect, I’m not sure what I was afraid of. But it’s also about not wanting to focus just on the one (difficult) thing. Yet I really needed to expand how I feel I could connect with people.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Bravo for your honesty. I trust that people will surprise you. I have learned that when we are vulnerable is when we really connect with people and make awesome relationships. I walked around with a mask on for a long time pretending I was healthy, the same as “normal” people – when I opened up and was transparent about my kidney failure and dialysis and the trials I had faced, I was surprised how positive the reaction was. I hope you experience the same. Well done for getting rid of a mask, you may have also liberated someone else to stop hiding also. The word hiding is likely inaccurate but I hope you understand my sentiment.

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