family, humor, The Invisible Moth

Funny Animal Stories

(Originally posted September 2015.)

Recently we had relatives come to visit, and we spent our evenings around the dinner table telling funny stories. Often one person would bring up a topic that would lead to the rest of us remembering similar instances….and you know how that goes.

One topic that really got us going was unusual occurrences involving animals. We humans are surrounded by these critters, and we’ve all had run-ins with wild or domestic species that have come to stand out in our memories.

My uncle recalled having to get a bat out of his house — not on one occasion, but two. At least after the first experience, he knew the second time that you’re not supposed to improvise a net with a pole and a blanket and try to catch the bat and expel it from the house yourself. (Yes, he actually attempted that. His reasoning was: “What would MacGuyver do?!”) And he had a close encounter with a mouse that his cat had cornered — in his shoe. At least he wasn’t wearing the shoe at the time. But, still, he had to admit that when the mouse poked its head out, he screamed like a little girl. (Hey, we’ve all been there…)

My aunt found a group of baby snapping turtles in the alley outside a store, and while she was trying to figure out how to move them away from the parking lot, a woman approached and asked if the turtles were her pets. (I’m not kidding.) Eventually a few teenagers came out of a nearby sub shop and gave my aunt an empty cup to scoop the baby turtles into and deliver them to the nearest ditch and safety. And then my cousin and his wife gave our aunt a turtle necklace — they just had to. Yay for turtle rescuers everywhere…

While driving on a rural route, my husband and I saw a chipmunk in the middle of the road, frozen in terror at the sight of our approaching vehicle. We quickly prayed for the little thing to run one direction or the other — but it chose to stay in the middle of the road and just crouch down. We figured that poor critter was done for. But it was right under the middle of the car, and as we looked in the rearview mirror, the chipmunk sat up and glanced around in apparent relief. That’s the luckiest chipmunk alive…

A few years ago, we held a yard sale, and our garage was open for a long time, as we waited for last-minute shoppers, and moved unsold items back into the house (that’s the worst, by the way). Somehow, an animal (species unknown to this day) got into our garage unnoticed — and was apparently still there when we shut all the doors and went to bed. In the middle of the night, I heard scratching the garage. I stage whispered to my husband, “Something in there!” He turned on the outside light, tiptoed out of the house, ran to the garage, hit the switch to open the overhead door, and ran back inside, hoping that whatever was trapped would find its way to freedom. It must have, as we didn’t encounter any wild creature the next morning. However, there were claw marks gouged into one wall of the garage…

I was coming home late from a part-time job; it was already dark outside, and it was trash day in the morning, so a collection of barrels and bins waited at the end of our driveway. I parked my car, stepped out, and was greeted by the most unearthly yowl, causing me to immediately begin praying for my safety (and a rocket launcher). It turned out to be my cat, perched atop the garbage cans, his anxious meow echoing eerily on the chill evening breeze. I’m taking those five minutes you scared off my existence from your eighth life, furry dude…

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