Book dragons are not mythical creatures. We are very real and we certainly hoard all the books, and we will breathe fire on you if you attempt to borrow any of the books without asking, or dare to say something so foolish as, “Are you sure you need to own 87,296 novels?”
And we shall not only protect the written word and the power of story (which is the only thing in the world more powerful than us), we shall use this most magical magic to one day save the world. (And then probably take it over. Trust me, this is for the best.)
The reasons why are obvious. There’s of course the whole breathing fire, big wings, flying, spiky tail, thick scaly hides part. And the longevity, the brainpower, the ego. We are incredibly proud to be able to quote a variety of characters, in nearly every possible real life situation; to be able to carry a stack of 15 books at once without injuring ourselves; and knowing that Sherlock Holmes and Gandalf were penned before they appeared on film.
There is also the very important fact that knowledge is power. Literally. In all your favorite movies, who truly saves the day? The totally buff athlete who is great with a sword? The hottie who can ride a horse while firing 10 arrows at once? The most loyal soldier in the kingdom who flawlessly executes every instruction ever? Well, yeah, they help — but who provides them with all the research, the details, the information from which they develop the strategy? That’s right — the bookworm. The geek.
If you need any further evidence of this — Hermione in Harry Potter; the super-well-read elves and wizards in Lord of the Rings; the Wizards of Unseen University (Discworld); Khadgar the mage in Warcraft; always needing to go back to the lore in Supernatural (they turned out to be Men of Letters, duh); the whole concept of Warehouse 13; and the fact that we count on The Librarians to repeatedly conquer evil.
So, the next time you seriously doubt we’re doing anything necessary or vital to protecting all of humanity by sitting and reading, think again. We are preparing for battle. We shall be well-read, well-informed, and therefore powerful. When the orcs invade, the zombie apocalypse begins, there’s a Creeper right behind you, or the One Ring needs to go back to Mordor, we shall be ready.
You should be thanking us now by giving our talons manicures and pedicures, rubbing lotion onto our scales, and bringing us snacks while we read.
Oh, and of course more books.