blogging, books, humor, reading

Why Books Are Better Than…

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Or: An Introvert’s Survival Guide.

We all know that books are amazing, invaluable treasures. (And if you don’t, who are you, and why are you even reading this blog, go buy the Harry Potter series and start immediately on those and soak in the genius that is “becoming a bookworm”).

In fact, many of us would rather spend more time with books and fictional worlds and people than real, live people in our everyday lives. To those real, live people, please don’t take offense. This post is here to educate you on the reasons we introverts need to constantly revisit these places that exist on another plane (the imagination dimension).

So, without further ado, I present you with Why Books Are Better Than…

…Going to a crowded social event. For one thing, books never feel crowded, and even if you’re reading about being at a big party/nightclub/sports match, you can always put the book down and take a break if you need to. And you don’t have to actually get hot and sweaty/be too far from the restrooms/moan over not having money for the concession stand. Not when you’re probably mere strides from a functioning bathroom and kitchen.

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…Participating in that unnecessary mall outing. In case someone hasn’t noticed yet, almost all things can also be purchased online nowadays, including books. So, rather than wasting your afternoon, and your legs, wandering through stores (that may not even have the titles you’re looking for), under the pretense of “getting fresh air” and “interacting with breathing human beings,” why not just go to a website and order exactly what you’re after? And then they can be delivered straight to your door, saving all that energy! And you actually do get fresh air by having to step out to the porch/garage/mailbox to collect your packages, anyway!

…Trying to socialize with people you’re barely related to and have nothing in common with at “family reunions.” (To be honest, I’ve never understood why that phrase seems to apply to 4th and 5th cousins who can’t even remember which parent’s sibling produced what descendants.) Family is supposed to be people you love and live with and see frequently, who are aware of what your interests and passions and needs are. (For example, the person who would drop you off at the bookstore with a voucher for Starbucks, instead of making you attend the “family reunion.”)

…Attempting to go out of your comfort zone in any way, shape, or form. Taking risks is overrated. Why spend all evening hanging out in the shadows of a party/club/bar, utterly failing at making small talk with generic people you don’t even know — who may not even read for fun — when you could be at home with your BBF (best bookish friend), either online or in person (yes, disbelievers!), discussing the latest release by that author you both love?

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…Wasting time on your phone while at the doctor’s office or on the bus. Trust me, getting another few chapters down in your current TBR while you can’t be anywhere else will be much more satisfying than mindlessly scrolling through the day’s (depressing) headlines or (pointless) hashtags. Plus that way you can save your phone’s battery charge for the really important moments of needing to Tweet your latest reading accomplishment or discovery.

…Joining a gym or an athletic pursuit. Unless you really feel exercise is healthy for you or something. And even then, there are still ways to exercise that can include reading. Like jogging (audio books), a treadmill at home (what do you think those handlebars are for, other than to hold a book?), or yoga in your living room (because, again, audio books, and no one will see you if you start crying/laughing hysterically over a particularly poignant/humorous scene).

…Camping, boating, or hiking. Can’t you just read about doing all of these things, anyway? Without risking drowning, getting lost, being eaten by a bear, encountering poison ivy, or accidentally walking off a cliff?

Now that I’ve opened all the eyes of you misguided extroverts to the joys/necessities of reading, and just reinforced the passion of all you bookworms, my mission is complete, and I leave you for the weekend. Happy 2-days-off of reading and watching movies and sharing on social media, everybody!

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